Very Berry Gummy Squares

My all-time favorite candy is a tie between RED Gummy Bears and RED Sour Patch Kids, so when I came across a recipe in Taste of Home Magazine for making your own gumdrops, I was intrigued, but I had to change it up because I wanted more of an all-inclusive berry taste.

I must admit, I shelved it for quite some time. I like instant gratification and the process of making these provides none of that. There is a full 24-hour waiting period, while the semi-done gumdrops stare at you from across the room, taunting and whispering your name in their gelatenous sweetness. If you have a sweet tooth, like me, it's worse than Chinese Water Torture - or so I would think. The payoff is grand if you can muster up the extreme patience.

These gumdrops are soft and chewy and go down a little too easy, especially if you cut them into small bite sized pieces. They were the most perfect little Valentine's Day gift. I was impressed with how the cranberry flavor wasn't overwhelming, and am left wondering how I could change up the recipe to include other flavors. I have a couple of ideas that center around lemon curd and fruit juices, but that may include adding an additional packet of unflavored gelatin, to balance the liquid out. I'm up for figuring out the science of it all, because they are just that good.

My warning to anyone who makes this must be headed...1.) If you eat too much, you will get a severe stomach ache. And, 2.) Embrace the pink pee and poo! It means your systems are all working! *Sadly, this is not the first time I've mentioned poo on this blog.*


VERY BERRY GUMMY SQUARES

2 envelopes unflavored Knox gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
1 can jellied cranberry sauce
2 cups sugar
2 3-oz packages of raspberry gelatin
1 3-oz package of strawberry gelatin
granulated sugar, for dusting

In a saucepan, sprinkle unflavored gelatin over water. Let stand for two minutes, or until the gelatin softens. Add the cranberry sauce and 1 cup of sugar and cook over low heat until the cranberry sauce is melted and the sugar is completely dissolved, whisking lightly. Remove from the heat and add the raspberry and strawberry gelatin, stirring to completely dissolve.

Coat an 8x8x2'' pyrex baking pan with cooking spray. Dust lightly with sugar, and pour your gelatin mixture into the prepared pan. Cover with plastic and let stand at room temperature overnight.

Cut into 1-inch squares with a knife that you've run until hot water, so it slips through the candy easier. Roll each piece in sugar. Place on baking sheets and let stand for 3 hours. Turn pieces over, roll in additional sugar, and let stand an additional 3 hours until very firm.

Store in an airtight container at room temperature until they are gone!

What one should bring when attending an adult-only party...

Every couple of years, one of my horny friends decides to throw a sex toy party which I always feel *obligated* to attend. (I see you rolling your eyes!) It's the ultimate girls night**, with yummy fruity cocktails, lots of amazing finger foods, nervous laughter, inappropriate jokes (me) and touching (me, again), demonstrations (not me!) and the exchange of funds for goods. Being a little deviant, I offered to make a cake.

Tell me? What the hell was I thinking? I HATE making cakes! But, since I opened my big mouth and couldn't back out without looking like a huge schmuck, I pressed onwards. I wanted to do some kind of kinky jacuzzi tub cake with nakedness that would shock the ladies. A couple of years ago, I made a camping cake with a "lake" made with jell-o, so I used that same basic technique.


The run-down:

• The CAKE is Betty Crocker, from a box. No brainer! I doubted that anyone would want to eat this thing, so I wasn't going to bake from scratch and cross my fingers that it would be OK.
  



• The TILES are Mike & Ikes candies.
  



• The PEOPLE and ACCESSORIES are gum paste.
  



• The "WATER" is jell-o. Prepared after assembly of the people, with a hope and a prayer!

The assembly:

Followed all cake ingredient directions with two 8 inch round cake pans. Frosted the layers, cut out the hole for the Jacuzzi, then crumb coated the entire cake and set aside. Later, frosted the cake, smoothing out the sides and top. Attached candy tiles.

Making the people sucked! I've never used gum paste before and it's tricky stuff. (And, BTW - tastes disgusting!) I found the gum paste in the cake decorating section of Michael's Crafts. $10 bucks for a 10 oz. bag. Some tips I picked up the hard way: 1. Keep the bag sealed, because it dries out fast! To tint the paste I used basic food grade food coloring and kneaded the paste until it was colored to my satisfaction. My hands were the color of the rainbow for a day or so afterwards - so 2. use plastic gloves or be prepared. 3. Make sure that you position your figures how you would like them to dry, otherwise you have to start over.

I tried to be as anatomically correct as possible. At least when it came to the nether-regions! I mean this guy has no head hair, but a very nice package if I do say so myself!

This lady was a little more demure, I decided.

Add your figures to the cake, using icing to prop them up if needed. Prepare jell-o according to the instructions. Let jell-o cool slightly, and gently pour into the iced cake hole. If you are not gentle, you'll get bubbles. If you get bubbles, just pretend that your figures are farting. :)


I am the first to admit that this cake, although hilarious, it's very amateurish - but really, who cares. There's penis and vagina and ass and boobies! Looking back, I should've tinted the paste that I used to make the people so that they had somewhat of a tan. Poor little sculptures were very, very white! I'm just happy that the whole thing made it to the party without a major cake'tastrophy and that it made all the ladies giggle.

**To all the boys out there, sorry...these parties are so much more fun without your participation - just sit back and hope that your woman receives a package in about 6-8 weeks.

Simple, Cheap and Versatile...Jell-O

Who knew that Jell-O could be added to so many dishes?


My mom gave me her Jell-O cookbook, "The New Joys of Jell-O," that she received as a wedding gift in 1973. I'm figuring 1973 was smack dab in the middle of the great Jell-O boom, because according to this WHACK cookbook, you can add Jell-O to basically anything.

Don't believe it?

How about a stunning Salad Nicoise - as seen on page 67? The ingredient list: tuna, tomato, green beans, olives, green peppers, onions, hard boiled egg, lettuce, mayo, cream, anchovy and the seemingly secret ingredient...Lemon Jell-O! I'm imagining it to be the glue that holds the whole dish together. Those who threw up a little bit in their mouths, please raise their hand. (Yeah, me too.)

My favorite chapter happens to be "Things You Never Thought Of" because, really - the whole book should be titled that! I'm not going to spill the beans too much, but I'm thinking that it might be fun to host a little Jell-O party. I mean, this cookbook pretty much has a 5 course meal planned out, including appetizers. I'll blame it on having a broken oven. Dare me?

Summer Fruit Terrine

Does anyone remember those molded jar candles that Bed, Bath and Beyond used to make? The wax would be shaped like fruits that would melt down inside this clear jelly-like substance. The fruit would be suspended in time! I had about three of them - - my favorite being the candy corn version, which I never lit because that sweet smell would make me ill.

This dessert reminds me of those candles.

SUMMER FRUIT TERRINE

Bottle of non-alcoholic Sparkling Cider* (which I found in my market's cheese section)
pint of fresh raspberries
green and red seedless grapes - halved
1 small can of sliced peaches, drained
2 (1/4 oz) envelopes of non-flavored powdered gelatin
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp fresh lemon juice

Arrange fruit in a glass, ceramic of nonstick loaf pan.

Pour 1/4 cup sparkling cider in a small bowl, and sprinkle with gelatin. Let stand 1 minute to soften.

Meanwhile, bring 1 cup of cider to a bowl with sugar, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and add gelatin mixture, also stirring to dissolve completely. Gently stir in 3/4 cup cider and lemon juice, then transfer to a metal bowl set in a larger bowl of ice and cold water to cool. Stir occasionally, until cider is room temperature.

Slowly pour cider over fruit, then chill, covered, until firm - approximately 5-6 hours.

To unmold, dip pan in hot water for 3-5 seconds to loosen and invert onto serving dish.

*For an adult-only audience, substitute the sparkling cider for a Prosecco - an Italian Sparkling Wine.


Much to my dismay, people seemed afraid of this dessert, and I ended up bring over 1/2 of it home...which is a pure shame, since it was really light and tasty. The berries added a sour punch, and the grapes remained firm and sweet. The next time I make it, I will go a little lighter on the fruit so that it is not so dense.

You can also use any fruit you'd like - - but I really like the idea of this dish being an "end of summer" item, with traditional summer fruits. Plus, it looked really pretty. (Although it would've looked even prettier if I had a fluted dish or something to mold it into.)