Thursday, June 28, 2007

Top Chef - Comfort Food with a side of SWEAT

What kind of person allows drops of sweat to fall of their faces when they are cooking food to serve to others? Howie, man...wear a head band or something. That little camera angle alone should've gotten you iliminated. I don't care how good your food was. Sweat is not a yummy side dish!

Holy giant fish tank, Padma! I can only imagine the fishy smell that must've hit the chef'testants when they entered the kitchen for the big reveal....it couldn't have been a big surprise. (I thought it was chicken! ~Snark~) The challenge was to create a dish using some of the fresh shellfish that was piled in the mystery tank. Sounds easy enough, but let's think logistically. There's shellfish to de-shell, and clean - and that is just a major pain in the ass (which is why I always purchase de-shelled and de-viened Shrimp at the grocery store!). Each of the chef's had 30 seconds, and the use of a rinky-dink goldfish net to collect as much fresh shellfish as they could. Resident Spazz, my boy Huang, got to collect first, practially bum-rushing Padma and knocking her out of the way. Yikes! Double yikes when he dropped a wee little crayfish on the floor. I thought he would stomp the life out of it for sure...but he didn't, although he also didn't pick it up.

Once everyone had their seafood, the cooking started. The 12 year old inside of me laughed like a crazy, when someone said "I'm not going to dick around with conck." Please - you know you perked up too! I'm so surprised that Micah even made it our alive with all the aparatus she used while trying to get the conck out of it's shell! I hope Top Chef as the local ER on redial.

Brian, a chef at a Seafood restaurant we find out, was the winner of the Quickfire and thus was granted immunity from the elimination round. I can not remember a single chef who slacked off after winning immunity, but I guess Season 3 is a season of change.

A table of traditional American comfort food appears out of nowhere, and it gets a little uncomfortable as you can see every single chef cringe and recoil. Is comfort food really that gross? Comfort food is delicious! Fried Chicken, Tacos, Pork Chops and Applesauce, Stuffed Cabbage, Meatloaf...wait! That's all the food I cook! I am so tired of hearing "this is really not my thing" or "I don't do comfort food." I want to slap those bitches! Tell me that they didn't eat Kraft Mac and Cheese as a kid. Tell me! After getting over the whole snottiness of the moment, I find out that our chef'testants must remake the classics into something delicious (duh!) and healthy. Interesting. And, good luck. (Last season, the "Healthy Challenge" turned into mishaps of sneaking in flavorings like butter and olive oil. Cheating insued. Rules were identified...I guess this time everyone was read the riot act prior.)

The chefs get to pick their dish in reverse order from the Quickfire, and then they're off with $75 dollars to spend and 30 minutes to shop. Dale purchases a pre-cooked chicken and instant mashed potatoes. Are you serious? He had a plan, and he knew it!

The chef's got one hour of prep time, then had to pack it all up to finish their dishes at the local Elk's club for service and tasting.

What a disaster! The dishes were very literal and didn't show any kind of imagination at all. And, CJ's Tuna Noodle Casserole looked like Fancy Feast Cat Food, tinted green! I almost threw up a little in my mouth. Even Nathan, who eats anything, commented on how gross it looked. I thought CJ, who is what...9 feet tall - my god!...was packing his knives. Luckily Micah, who picked Meatloaf, was the worst and was kicked off. I'm happy with that decision. There was something "off" about her that I couldn't put my finger on.

A turn around of sorts happened when the sweaty beast himself, Howie, won the challenge with his rendition of Pork Chops and Applesauce redux. (I want to try that apple slaw myself!) This time, he proved that he can cook pork, although it looked a little too rare for my tastes. What a difference a week makes!

Another change in plans happened when the judges brought the Immunity winner Brian out so that he could crap his pants in front of the bottom 5. Brian snubbed his nose at "healthy" and chose lobster as his protein - even though lobster is naturally high in cholestrol. (A big no-no in this challenge.) That wiped the smerk off of his face.

1 comment:

Yankee said...

Snooty bastards anyway. Like I'd make any of their recipes on any given week night. Sometimes food doesn't have to be fancy or gourmet or even particularly special to serve a purpose. I serve my family sloppy joes (usually with tater tots) once a week. It's what we share when we reconnect after our days battling the world. I'm satisfying and nourishes our bodies while our time together nourished our souls. Isn't that what cooking good food is about?

(Wow, that was deep.